Contemplations

Not too long ago many thoughts began running through my head, flittering playfully about in my mind. And the more they flitter, the more it seems as if a very pronounced headache was about to appear.

With so many conflicting problems and worries abounding, having been there for awhile now, it keeps pressing me and pushing me to the only direction I can see as to solving everything.

But it isn't going to be easy. The road less travelled is never easy.

And so begins the season of plans and schemes, not really sure if any of them is 100% foolproof.

It did seem scary at first. Very very scary. A new place...a foreign place. Will I be able to cope with the demands and whimps of such a life? Did I poccess it? So many questions.....questions which I could not even begun to answer.

Life here now is not that peachy. I am slowly slipping into my own reverie. Transending into my own dark and shadowy abyss. I am falling and falling into my own nothingness.

They pushed me so hard. They don't even know.

I need the sun.
I need to breathe.
I need to get away from it all.

Everyday I brace myself for more dread. More misery. More pain.
The pain that never seems to go away but only to drive itself deeper into my soul.

My soul....my precious soul.. How I saved you over and over....

I need to get out for my sanity. I sanity which is slowly dripping away like the drops of a waterfall which once was. Trickling slowly into the depths of the earth, into the soil where it disappears from existence.

But I have my sunshine, always shinning down upon me from above. Though dark clouds may hide you , you always managed to overcome them all.

So I give myself 2 years in hopes of greener pastures. Pastures where there are no wolves stalking me....waiting to pounce upon my every movement. Waiting...just waiting....for the right moment.
To a place where I can be with my sunshine eternally.


Also, (this is really beautifully written)
A quote from Colin Monteath's book 'Under A Sheltering Sky'

Chance encounters change lives. Close friends, passing aquaintances and even characters who emerge from old books often leave footprints across my heart. By opening mysterious doors, the influence of others has inadvertently altered the direction of my life.